Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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