yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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