he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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