i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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