i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
