You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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