I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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