imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
