He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
