he wants to bone in the snuggie
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just gift wrapped bread.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
BRING THE BAGELS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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