She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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