just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
