I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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