i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize