Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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