she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
