i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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