I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
