just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
