Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
