jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
