I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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