He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
