Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
