Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
