what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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