as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
