Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you never un-have a 4some
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
