i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She needs sedatives and a leash
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
