He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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