y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize