Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
