I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
