you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
