i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
