I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize