LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
