she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
