the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
we should paint friendship bongs
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
