she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
