i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
