i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
