apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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