Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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