why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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