Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
