i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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