I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
