why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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