I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize