Betty ford says i'm here all night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
