the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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