Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
