Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
