So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
