im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
