Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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