I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
