My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
