i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
