You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
