I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize