Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
