I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
