It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
