If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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