Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
