i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
