how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
