i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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