Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
