yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think i scared a bird with my dick
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
