her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
