I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
