I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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