WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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