I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
