i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
