well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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