She announced her abortion via fbk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
