went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize