I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
