p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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