Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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