the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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