It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
